Project: Reading Way Too Much Into Things Part 1

We've all seen them, movie trailers that reveal too much about the film, or show all the best parts. Some trailers are so poorly edited that you can't actually see anything at all. And then there are the unfortunate cases where the trailers mislead us into thinking the movie is one thing when it's something else all together.

So with this in mind, I've begun logging my insights. Each installment of this ongoing project will feature a couple of trailers and my over-analysis of each. And as we move forward, we'll see just how much of a know-it-all I really am.

Some will say I think too much. I say, not too much enough!

Trailer the first: The Hills Run Red




It's a movie about people making a movie about them looking for a movie. That's two degrees more postmodern than average. Can our puny minds cope with all that self-reflexiveness or will the irony prove too much and reduce our sweet delicious brains to mush?

Four friends head into the woods to find a lost horror film. But not just any film, the scariest film ever. While searching out the director's cut of the Blair Witch Project, they are set upon by TCM reenactors who raided The Stranger's props warehouse. Eventually, the friends stumble upon the set of Hostel and are summarily dispatched with all manner of pointy objects. In a delightful twist that is not at all surprising we learn the film they're looking for is actually snuff and they have just starred in the sequel.

Alternate ending: The whole thing's been staged in an homage to April Fool's Day.

How does buddy know about this "scariest film" and why are the film canisters in the woods? We'll probably never know...

Trailer the second: Whiteout



I'm cheating a bit with this one because I've seen another, better trailer.

Researchers in Antarctica, living in a compound borrowed from The Abyss, call in US Marshall Kate Beckingsale when they find a body in the middle of nowhere, a place they were traveling to for no reason. When Marshall Kate arrives, her plane crashes in a storm which also knocks out all their communications. Stranded, with no one but general movie stereotypes to keep them company, the scientists decide to investigate a strange-looking patch of ice that shoots purple electricity. The investigation turns deadly when they awaken either a) an ancient evil, b) an evil alien, or c) Shoggoths.

Alternate ending: The butler did it.