Monday, 18 May 2009

Complaint Department: This Episode of Alias is Taking Too Long to Load

It's like waiting for Godot, only with less closure.

This episode of Alias is taking too long to load. Seriously, I've been watching for like an hour and it's only 40 minutes long. 40 minutes! I feel cheated twice over. What happened to those other two minutes? Did they run out of stuff to cram into the episode? Unlikely since each ep features a minimum of 3 ops, five fights, and four minutes of Jennifer Garner moping. And this is only the second episode in a 17 episode season. The final season, as a matter of fact.

I suppose it doesn't really matter, anyway, since I have no idea what the fuck is going on. I'm 36 minutes in, that's 78 minutes of show so far, and I'm already lost. Vaughan is dead, Sidney's pregnant, and there's a frozen guy in the basement. It's got something to do with an old book. Or possibly a helicopter. I'm not sure.

This didn't even make the list.

I blame youku. What is the hold up, China? Just like Joss Whedon predicted, you own the world now. Can't you provide me with faster, better access to irritating melodrama? All I wanted to do was watch some Alias and go to bed. Instead I've spent my night flipping back and forth between's "7 Lamest Attempts at Irony" and "The Fattest Texans" on TV.

Okay, now we're getting somewhere! There's a new guy who's a jerk. And Eric's leaving...or maybe not. There's a drop in the stream, dammit. Two seconds of precious dialogue are missing. I'll never know what Dixon said to make everyone so edgy. I bet it's got something to do with that helicopter or book.

Nope, it's the frozen guy. He's been stolen from the basement!

"Expect more"? More what, covoluted storylines? mouth breathing? menstrual pain?

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